Courtesy 101

HEY, guys, it's time for a basic courtesy lesson. And I do mean basic. Things your mother should have taught you when you were a little sprout, and if she didn't, yo' mama sucks. That's right, I am dissing YO' MAMA.

1. If there's someone within a few paces of you, hold the door for them. Otherwise it makes for a really awkward door-catching moment for them and slows down traffic. Definitely do this if the person is crippled, carrying a lot of items, or higher-up than you. In other words old, or they give you a grade or money. But do it for everyone, or you're a lazy jerk. Also, it is really annoying when you walk into a dorm and let the door shut and lock in front of my face, so I have to dig my key out of my book bag, when it would have been so easy for you to just hold it open for two seconds.

2. GTFO of the way. I'm so glad you ran into your friend you haven't seen since 2:36 p.m. yesterday and you have a lot to catch up on, but can you please step to the side to discuss these important matters like what Lady GaGa wore to the VMAs? Seriously, I have places to go. Even when I don't have places to go, I like to walk at a reasonably brisk pace. I think it should be legal to kick and/or shove people who are blocking a path out of the way.

3. Don't race people to the line. That is just immature and chickenshit. If I'm done "shopping" and I'm holding my food and I have my payment ready to go, please don't grab your last thing and run to get in front of me. That is asshole behavior.

4. This is for dancers. Whatever barre space there is when you get there is what you get. You do not get to come in to the studio AFTER someone and wedge yourself into the spot you want. If they get there first, IT IS THEIR SPOT. I don't understand what is so complicated or unfair about this. If you want that spot so badly, hustle your ass to class and be there before I am, Jesus Christ!

5. Shut the hell up when someone else is talking.

Practice these five easy steps and soon, more advanced courteous moments will illuminate themselves for you!

Also, fuck everyone, because you are all assholes.

No comments:

Post a Comment